1 00:01:03,805 --> 00:01:06,175 Ho! Ho! Ho! 2 00:01:06,199 --> 00:01:08,917 Merry Christmas! 3 00:01:25,609 --> 00:01:28,937 Oh, no, Santa Claus, don't come to town. Aw, no. 4 00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:34,203 Oh, God, you're killin' me with this Qallunaat shit. 5 00:01:34,227 --> 00:01:36,118 Come on, turn it off, bro. Please? 6 00:01:37,447 --> 00:01:39,425 Oh, God. Okay, come on. 7 00:01:39,449 --> 00:01:40,862 Isn't it supposed to be on, like, 8 00:01:40,886 --> 00:01:42,975 police radio or something, Officer? 9 00:01:43,843 --> 00:01:45,649 It is on police radio. 10 00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:48,173 Captain Pendleton has dispatch play Christmas music 11 00:01:48,197 --> 00:01:50,436 - on Christmas Eve. - That's stupid. 12 00:01:50,460 --> 00:01:52,351 It's just one night a year. 13 00:01:52,375 --> 00:01:54,745 Yeah, Christmas maybe, but they 14 00:01:54,769 --> 00:01:56,616 have been shoving their way of life 15 00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:58,967 on people everywhere they show up. 16 00:01:58,991 --> 00:02:03,058 You know, they want me to live my life off of three wise guys 17 00:02:03,082 --> 00:02:07,976 who followed a star to a barn to find some magic kid? 18 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,629 And that's supposed to be more spiritual 19 00:02:09,653 --> 00:02:12,881 than-than our ancestors dancing on the northern lights 20 00:02:12,905 --> 00:02:15,418 while they watch down on us? 21 00:02:17,009 --> 00:02:20,727 Qallunaat Christmas makes me feel like such a loser. 22 00:02:20,751 --> 00:02:22,991 It's your lucky day. 23 00:02:23,015 --> 00:02:25,689 Every year, Captain Pendleton makes a big show 24 00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:27,430 at our Christmas party. 25 00:02:27,454 --> 00:02:30,607 He pardons an inmate in the holding cell. 26 00:02:30,631 --> 00:02:33,131 It's been a slow year, and he didn't have anyone to pardon, 27 00:02:33,155 --> 00:02:36,454 so... you're it. Congrats. 28 00:02:36,478 --> 00:02:37,744 Wait. What?! 29 00:02:37,768 --> 00:02:40,530 Okay, so, you-you're pulling in your own brother 30 00:02:40,554 --> 00:02:43,513 on a bullshit charge just to let me go? 31 00:02:44,083 --> 00:02:45,970 Oh, now, come on, Yuka. 32 00:02:45,994 --> 00:02:48,233 I mean, I know you're a sellout, 33 00:02:48,257 --> 00:02:50,540 but bullshit you are not. 34 00:02:50,564 --> 00:02:52,455 How can you stand working 35 00:02:52,479 --> 00:02:55,458 for that lying sack of shit every day? 36 00:02:55,482 --> 00:02:57,939 Ah, it's tough, Jack. Just the sound of his voice 37 00:02:57,963 --> 00:02:59,766 makes me want to punch something. 38 00:02:59,790 --> 00:03:02,987 Yeah, well, unless you're the lead sled dog. 39 00:03:03,011 --> 00:03:05,436 Guess the view's pretty much the same. 40 00:03:07,842 --> 00:03:09,518 I'm sorry for dragging you in, Jack, but... 41 00:03:09,542 --> 00:03:11,474 Nah. 42 00:03:11,498 --> 00:03:13,476 You won't be alone for a couple hours and... 43 00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:14,825 Oh. 44 00:03:14,849 --> 00:03:16,764 - ...you'll get some turkey. - What? 45 00:03:17,315 --> 00:03:19,047 Really? 46 00:03:20,463 --> 00:03:22,528 What about some pie? I want some pie. 47 00:03:22,552 --> 00:03:25,662 - If you're lucky. - If I'm... 48 00:03:27,993 --> 00:03:30,493 Ah, fuck Santa Claus! 49 00:03:30,517 --> 00:03:33,694 Cheer up, Jack. You'll be back on that barstool in an hour. 50 00:03:55,237 --> 00:03:57,215 Whoa. 51 00:03:57,239 --> 00:03:59,285 What the hell is that? 52 00:04:01,188 --> 00:04:02,742 I don't know. 53 00:04:02,766 --> 00:04:06,483 I mean, it's too much of a point to be the northern lights. 54 00:04:07,233 --> 00:04:09,314 Must be a low polar orbit satellite. 55 00:04:09,338 --> 00:04:11,099 Oh, no, no, no. 56 00:04:11,123 --> 00:04:13,144 It must be for you, 57 00:04:13,525 --> 00:04:17,018 'cause "Yuka" means "shining" and "brilliant" in Inuit, right? 58 00:04:17,042 --> 00:04:18,628 Although not 59 00:04:18,652 --> 00:04:21,718 so fucking brilliant when you fuckin' arrest me. 60 00:04:25,137 --> 00:04:27,724 All right! Gather around. 61 00:04:27,748 --> 00:04:29,378 Time for a little Secret Santa here! 62 00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:33,338 And it's no secret that I'll be your Santa again. 63 00:04:33,362 --> 00:04:35,210 Can I get a "ho ho ho"? 64 00:04:35,234 --> 00:04:36,776 Ho! Ho! Ho! 65 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:39,562 You people'd have to go 1,500 miles to the North Pole 66 00:04:39,586 --> 00:04:41,564 to find a better Santa than me. 67 00:04:41,588 --> 00:04:43,653 Would you take that, dear? 68 00:04:43,677 --> 00:04:45,394 Doesn't the base know it's Christmas Eve? 69 00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:47,657 Hey, Santa, how about our own power grid for Christmas? 70 00:04:47,681 --> 00:04:49,180 Eat shit, Buzz. 71 00:04:49,204 --> 00:04:51,791 That does it. Mayor's on the naughty list! 72 00:04:51,815 --> 00:04:53,880 - You heard him. - Bad boy. 73 00:04:53,904 --> 00:04:55,882 All right, all right. Arch Houghton? Where's Arch? 74 00:04:55,906 --> 00:04:58,015 - We got a Secret Santa for ya. - Okay. 75 00:04:58,039 --> 00:04:59,974 There you go. Merry Christmas. 76 00:05:01,956 --> 00:05:04,587 I got you, too. Get over here. 77 00:05:04,611 --> 00:05:06,545 Hey, look... she busted her brother! 78 00:05:08,789 --> 00:05:10,288 Your Christmas is saved, Lane! 79 00:05:10,312 --> 00:05:11,681 Uh-huh. 80 00:05:11,705 --> 00:05:13,552 Jack! Jack! Jack! 81 00:05:13,576 --> 00:05:15,511 - Jack! Jack! Jack! - All right. 82 00:05:15,535 --> 00:05:17,078 - Jack! Jack! Jack! - All right, all right. 83 00:05:17,102 --> 00:05:18,644 - Take it easy. Take it easy. - Jack! Jack! Jack! Jack! 84 00:05:18,668 --> 00:05:20,037 She's got work to do. Mayor? 85 00:05:20,061 --> 00:05:21,908 - Yes, sir. - Get over here. 86 00:05:21,932 --> 00:05:24,085 - He knows what it is. - Booze for him... 87 00:05:24,109 --> 00:05:27,653 This guy needs it in here. 88 00:05:27,677 --> 00:05:29,090 Look at that, honey. 89 00:05:29,114 --> 00:05:30,482 Oh, great. 90 00:05:30,506 --> 00:05:32,093 Three cheers for the mayor! 91 00:05:32,117 --> 00:05:34,225 Hip, hip, hooray! 92 00:06:19,077 --> 00:06:22,297 So, when do I get pardoned? 93 00:06:24,025 --> 00:06:25,494 I'll come back and get you 94 00:06:25,518 --> 00:06:28,323 after Captain Pendleton's done hearing himself talk. 95 00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:30,673 So is that when I get pie... after that? 96 00:06:30,697 --> 00:06:32,544 'Cause I'm kind of hungry now. 97 00:06:32,568 --> 00:06:34,546 Yes. Don't worry. 98 00:06:34,570 --> 00:06:36,809 You'll get your pie. 99 00:06:36,833 --> 00:06:38,855 I promise. 100 00:06:38,879 --> 00:06:40,483 It won't be long. 101 00:07:07,168 --> 00:07:09,668 ♪ Ooh-ooh 102 00:07:12,782 --> 00:07:14,934 Well, I'm humbled. 103 00:07:16,786 --> 00:07:19,635 As I have been since I started this tradition 104 00:07:19,659 --> 00:07:22,986 some... 20 years ago? 105 00:07:23,567 --> 00:07:24,655 Hmm. 106 00:07:26,448 --> 00:07:28,317 You know, every Christmas Eve... 107 00:07:29,059 --> 00:07:30,994 I like to look out that window there, 108 00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:34,563 and I envision those... those Three Wise Men 109 00:07:34,587 --> 00:07:38,088 just looking up at that Star of Bethlehem. 110 00:07:38,608 --> 00:07:40,960 Same stars that my ancestors looked at 111 00:07:40,984 --> 00:07:43,528 when they first arrived to tame 112 00:07:43,552 --> 00:07:47,053 and make this the great 49th state of Alaska. 113 00:07:47,077 --> 00:07:49,839 Before that... what was there out here? 114 00:07:49,863 --> 00:07:51,667 Bunch of bears and Eskimos? 115 00:07:51,691 --> 00:07:53,756 That's about it. 116 00:07:53,780 --> 00:07:56,498 Tonight, above all nights, 117 00:07:56,522 --> 00:07:58,369 I thank Jesus... 118 00:07:58,393 --> 00:08:00,632 for my responsibilities He has bestowed upon me. 119 00:08:01,208 --> 00:08:02,483 First, 120 00:08:02,507 --> 00:08:04,549 to my duty to defend my country 121 00:08:04,573 --> 00:08:06,551 and work to support our neighbors 122 00:08:06,575 --> 00:08:08,771 at the Cheney Air Force Listening Station 123 00:08:08,795 --> 00:08:11,513 with their state-of-the-art LRD radar. 124 00:08:11,537 --> 00:08:14,255 Hmm? We may just be a modest little community down here. 125 00:08:14,279 --> 00:08:17,780 Little outpost 151, but we support 126 00:08:17,804 --> 00:08:21,131 that high-tech station with our low-tech values. 127 00:08:21,155 --> 00:08:22,828 - Yes. - Am I right? 128 00:08:22,852 --> 00:08:24,700 - Oh, yeah. - Now, I know 129 00:08:24,724 --> 00:08:26,343 it's a hassle when they get a little greedy 130 00:08:26,367 --> 00:08:29,835 with our power grid, but they rely on us for supplies, 131 00:08:29,859 --> 00:08:31,576 and we offer police protection 132 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:34,492 outside that base 365 days out of the year. 133 00:08:34,516 --> 00:08:35,928 - Yeah! - Yes! 134 00:08:37,519 --> 00:08:39,150 Tonight we got a duty 135 00:08:39,652 --> 00:08:43,284 to a... a greater superior officer. 136 00:08:43,308 --> 00:08:46,112 So, on this night, night before His birthday, 137 00:08:46,136 --> 00:08:49,159 He would have us remember that He wants us to be kind 138 00:08:49,183 --> 00:08:51,683 to strangers and visitors and stuff. 139 00:08:51,707 --> 00:08:54,295 "I was hungry, you gave me something to eat." 140 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:57,167 - Mm-hmm. - "I was thirsty and you 141 00:08:57,191 --> 00:08:59,256 "gave me something to drink. 142 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:02,520 I was a stranger, and you said, 'Come on inside here.'" 143 00:09:02,544 --> 00:09:04,609 And all the folks said, "When-when was this?" 144 00:09:04,633 --> 00:09:08,178 And you said, "When you were being nice to a stranger, 145 00:09:08,202 --> 00:09:10,398 you were being nice to me." Right? 146 00:09:10,422 --> 00:09:11,877 But the point is, you all know 147 00:09:11,901 --> 00:09:13,270 what I'm saying. Unless you've been living 148 00:09:13,294 --> 00:09:14,646 in a cave somewhere, you know 149 00:09:14,670 --> 00:09:17,274 every year, I am kind to a stranger 150 00:09:17,298 --> 00:09:19,276 as long as they ain't killed nobody, 151 00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:21,583 or tried to terrorist-attack that Air Force base. 152 00:09:21,607 --> 00:09:23,149 That would be a red line. 153 00:09:25,263 --> 00:09:27,241 So tonight, once again, 154 00:09:28,108 --> 00:09:29,765 I would like to pardon a stranger. 155 00:09:29,789 --> 00:09:32,507 Yuka, dear, could you please go fetch the stranger 156 00:09:32,531 --> 00:09:33,942 to be kind to? 157 00:09:35,942 --> 00:09:37,120 Of course I won't call him a stranger, 158 00:09:37,144 --> 00:09:39,209 seeing it was your brother Jack you brought in here, 159 00:09:39,233 --> 00:09:40,906 and I've known Jack since about ever. 160 00:09:43,368 --> 00:09:45,587 I shouldn't say that. 161 00:10:10,003 --> 00:10:12,808 Jack? 162 00:10:12,832 --> 00:10:14,834 Hey, Jack? 163 00:10:17,583 --> 00:10:19,585 Goddamn grid. 164 00:10:22,798 --> 00:10:24,150 Jack? 165 00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:27,388 Jacko. 166 00:10:27,412 --> 00:10:29,108 Wake up. 167 00:10:47,575 --> 00:10:49,358 How'd you get in there? 168 00:10:58,067 --> 00:10:59,444 Who are you? 169 00:11:04,013 --> 00:11:06,059 I want to be pardoned. 170 00:11:09,025 --> 00:11:10,525 Just like you... 171 00:11:11,608 --> 00:11:13,108 will want to be pardoned. 172 00:11:15,067 --> 00:11:17,358 Meet Sergeant Yuka Mongoyak, 173 00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:19,396 a woman with a knack 174 00:11:19,420 --> 00:11:22,356 for detecting the most subtle of mistruths. 175 00:11:22,380 --> 00:11:26,360 On this night, a night of the most powerful of myths, 176 00:11:26,384 --> 00:11:29,188 that skill will be tested like never before. 177 00:11:29,212 --> 00:11:31,190 She's about to learn 178 00:11:31,214 --> 00:11:33,454 that the truth can take many different forms, 179 00:11:33,478 --> 00:11:35,630 depending on how you look at it. 180 00:11:35,654 --> 00:11:39,851 Because tonight, Sergeant Yuka's vantage point 181 00:11:39,875 --> 00:11:42,071 is at the very heart... 182 00:11:42,095 --> 00:11:44,856 of The Twilight Zone. 183 00:11:46,708 --> 00:11:48,469 You're traveling through another dimension, 184 00:11:48,493 --> 00:11:51,602 a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. 185 00:11:51,626 --> 00:11:54,866 It is the middle ground between light and shadow, 186 00:11:54,890 --> 00:11:57,608 between science and superstition. 187 00:11:57,632 --> 00:12:00,002 And it lies between the pit of one's fears 188 00:12:00,026 --> 00:12:02,570 and the summit of one's knowledge. 189 00:12:02,594 --> 00:12:06,269 You are now traveling through a dimension of imagination. 190 00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:10,578 You've just crossed over into The Twilight Zone. 191 00:12:10,592 --> 00:12:14,311 Synced and corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com 192 00:12:35,757 --> 00:12:37,605 ♪ Then we'll lock and bolt 193 00:12:37,629 --> 00:12:39,998 Yuka? 194 00:12:42,677 --> 00:12:44,067 Hey! 195 00:12:47,073 --> 00:12:50,139 Hey. What is taking so long? 196 00:12:50,163 --> 00:12:52,271 Someone's in here, Captain! 197 00:12:52,295 --> 00:12:55,057 - Is Jack screwing around again? - I don't know 198 00:12:55,081 --> 00:12:57,276 who this is in cell three, or how he got here. 199 00:12:57,300 --> 00:12:59,235 What the hell are you talkin' about? 200 00:12:59,259 --> 00:13:00,845 I got all these people up here. 201 00:13:00,869 --> 00:13:02,741 They're waiting for me. 202 00:13:06,025 --> 00:13:07,775 He wants to be pardoned. 203 00:13:08,692 --> 00:13:10,376 What the fuck is this? 204 00:13:11,067 --> 00:13:13,733 An elf escape from Santa's workshop? 205 00:13:15,101 --> 00:13:16,275 Who... 206 00:13:16,885 --> 00:13:19,081 who-who is... 207 00:13:19,105 --> 00:13:20,648 who the hell is this, 208 00:13:20,672 --> 00:13:22,563 and wh-why... why is he wearing a suit? 209 00:13:23,275 --> 00:13:24,608 You're throwing a party. 210 00:13:25,192 --> 00:13:26,610 I'm dressed for the best party. 211 00:13:27,150 --> 00:13:28,220 Uh, one thing, though, 212 00:13:28,244 --> 00:13:29,831 and I hate to be the one, but... 213 00:13:29,855 --> 00:13:33,487 I actually came from the North Pole, and... 214 00:13:33,511 --> 00:13:34,923 there's no workshop up there. 215 00:13:36,431 --> 00:13:37,484 Just a bunch of snow. 216 00:13:38,733 --> 00:13:40,537 Came from the North Pole, huh? 217 00:13:40,561 --> 00:13:42,539 Yeah, I just... flew over it 218 00:13:42,563 --> 00:13:43,932 on my way over here. 219 00:13:43,956 --> 00:13:46,282 I've been everywhere. 220 00:13:46,650 --> 00:13:48,023 I'm actually a, uh... 221 00:13:48,608 --> 00:13:50,025 I'm an extreme tourist. 222 00:13:50,358 --> 00:13:52,181 It's a thing. Have you heard about it? 223 00:13:54,275 --> 00:13:55,944 Mayor put you two up to this? 224 00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:57,641 Don't look at me. 225 00:13:57,665 --> 00:14:00,296 No, I actually have my own YouTube channel. 226 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:03,284 It's called The Aggro Traveler's Bucket List. 227 00:14:03,308 --> 00:14:05,784 I legally had my name changed in California 228 00:14:05,808 --> 00:14:07,259 to A. Traveler. 229 00:14:08,502 --> 00:14:10,785 I visit the hardest places to get to. 230 00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:12,743 Most people, they end up on Thanksgiving 231 00:14:12,767 --> 00:14:15,093 at Montage Kapalua Bay, and they're like, 232 00:14:15,117 --> 00:14:17,922 "I should've gone to Iglaak, Alaska, 233 00:14:17,946 --> 00:14:20,446 "to be pardoned by Captain Lane Pendleton 234 00:14:20,470 --> 00:14:22,603 on Christmas Eve. Duh." 235 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:26,780 Are you shittin' me? 236 00:14:26,804 --> 00:14:28,390 I mean, they-they've heard about this? 237 00:14:28,414 --> 00:14:30,436 They've heard about me all the way up here? 238 00:14:30,460 --> 00:14:31,671 Are you kidding me? 239 00:14:31,695 --> 00:14:34,814 Any aggro traveler anywhere in the world knows 240 00:14:34,814 --> 00:14:37,599 about Captain Lane Pendleton's Christmas Eve pardons. 241 00:14:39,036 --> 00:14:43,059 That to be here in Iglaak on Christmas Eve sits... 242 00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:46,584 high on any extreme tourist bucket list. 243 00:14:46,608 --> 00:14:48,804 Ride a train to the top of Jungfraujoch. 244 00:14:48,828 --> 00:14:50,675 Dive off Stari Most bridge. 245 00:14:50,699 --> 00:14:53,678 Kiss Dee Dee Ramone's tombstone at Hollywood Forever Cemetery. 246 00:14:53,702 --> 00:14:56,029 Get pardoned by Captain Lane Pendleton 247 00:14:56,053 --> 00:14:58,010 on Christmas Eve in Iglaak, 248 00:14:58,034 --> 00:14:59,292 Alaska. 249 00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:02,600 I did not realize. 250 00:15:02,624 --> 00:15:04,167 I could see it, though. 251 00:15:04,191 --> 00:15:06,126 - I could. - Would that mean, um... 252 00:15:06,675 --> 00:15:09,085 uh, Captain Pendleton, would you... 253 00:15:09,567 --> 00:15:11,372 would you pardon me tonight? 254 00:15:12,417 --> 00:15:14,351 Oh, yeah, uh... 255 00:15:14,375 --> 00:15:16,440 Well, let me think about that 256 00:15:16,464 --> 00:15:18,225 one, uh... 257 00:15:18,249 --> 00:15:20,401 Hmm... 258 00:15:20,425 --> 00:15:22,296 Have you committed any crime? 259 00:15:23,776 --> 00:15:26,276 Only waiting so long to come here. 260 00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:28,931 Y-You know, you said you got a YouTube. 261 00:15:28,955 --> 00:15:31,586 Maybe you can video me-me pardon you, 262 00:15:31,610 --> 00:15:34,517 - and put it on the show, if you want. - Yeah. Absolutely. 263 00:15:34,541 --> 00:15:36,267 You know what, I'll video it... 264 00:15:40,097 --> 00:15:42,099 Just a phone. 265 00:15:43,361 --> 00:15:44,686 I'll throw it up online, 266 00:15:44,710 --> 00:15:46,514 and that way all the extreme tourists 267 00:15:46,538 --> 00:15:48,820 can see for themselves just how truly charming 268 00:15:48,844 --> 00:15:51,214 - you and this town are. - Well, it's a good town. 269 00:15:51,238 --> 00:15:53,477 If you do this tonight, Captain, 270 00:15:53,501 --> 00:15:56,483 there'll be a lot more people just like me here next year. 271 00:15:56,809 --> 00:16:00,049 Yeah, you know that-that show Alaskan Trooperson Nat Geo, 272 00:16:00,073 --> 00:16:01,877 they just totally blew us off. 273 00:16:01,901 --> 00:16:04,488 I think it's just 'cause the Air Force base up the road 274 00:16:04,512 --> 00:16:06,142 doesn't like people poking around. 275 00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:07,883 What kind of phone is this? 276 00:16:07,907 --> 00:16:09,841 Oh, Jesus, look at that thing. 277 00:16:09,865 --> 00:16:11,495 Who makes that? 278 00:16:11,519 --> 00:16:13,391 It's a Russian design. 279 00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:16,858 It's Russian-made? 280 00:16:17,983 --> 00:16:19,503 The Russians don't make anything. 281 00:16:19,527 --> 00:16:22,071 - They steal everything. - Oh, no, no, 282 00:16:22,095 --> 00:16:25,379 that actually already has an 8K video resolution. 283 00:16:25,403 --> 00:16:27,076 It's a beta, but... 284 00:16:27,100 --> 00:16:29,296 I'm sure if I said it was for Captain Pendleton, 285 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:31,341 I could get you one. 286 00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:33,343 Well, they're just across our front yard there, 287 00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:35,954 - across the Chukchi Sea, the Russians. - I know. 288 00:16:36,218 --> 00:16:38,220 They know all about you. 289 00:16:41,288 --> 00:16:44,093 All right, well, doesn't look like it's gonna be Jack's night, 290 00:16:44,117 --> 00:16:46,313 so give him his phone back, unlock him. 291 00:16:46,337 --> 00:16:47,949 I gotta pardon this guy. 292 00:16:47,973 --> 00:16:49,275 Captain. 293 00:16:50,890 --> 00:16:53,407 We should run a 10-29 active warrants search. 294 00:16:53,431 --> 00:16:56,236 Now? There's not gonna be anybody there tonight. 295 00:16:56,260 --> 00:16:58,542 It's all done online. 296 00:16:58,566 --> 00:17:01,284 Well, what is your concern, Sergeant? 297 00:17:01,308 --> 00:17:03,634 You said it. Russian-made things are crap. 298 00:17:03,658 --> 00:17:06,246 This is not a Russian phone. 299 00:17:06,270 --> 00:17:07,525 Why is he lying? 300 00:17:08,141 --> 00:17:10,187 This could be a 10-96. 301 00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:12,948 All right, you check it out, 302 00:17:12,972 --> 00:17:15,777 - and I'll pardon him, huh? - But what if we get a hit? 303 00:17:15,801 --> 00:17:17,900 We'll arrest him again. 304 00:17:26,333 --> 00:17:27,963 You have I.D.? 305 00:17:27,987 --> 00:17:29,162 Oh. 306 00:17:39,955 --> 00:17:42,044 Ooh. Bright. 307 00:18:06,156 --> 00:18:09,091 Right down here, we call this "The Corridor." 308 00:18:09,115 --> 00:18:11,180 Oh. I got to tell you, this is incredible. 309 00:18:11,204 --> 00:18:12,834 The crowd's gonna be excited to see you. 310 00:18:26,263 --> 00:18:28,589 ♪ Jingle all the way 311 00:18:35,402 --> 00:18:36,988 Hey, lookee here, 312 00:18:37,012 --> 00:18:39,104 lookee here, the Good Lord has brought us 313 00:18:39,128 --> 00:18:41,471 an honest-to-goodness stranger 314 00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:43,299 to actually pardon here tonight. 315 00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:44,996 Now, Jack Mongoyak 316 00:18:45,020 --> 00:18:46,607 is back there sleeping it off, 317 00:18:46,631 --> 00:18:47,999 but I'm not too worried. 318 00:18:48,023 --> 00:18:49,958 We'll just pardon him next year. He'll be back. 319 00:18:49,982 --> 00:18:52,265 Meanwhile, 320 00:18:52,289 --> 00:18:54,267 this guy may be a stranger, everybody, 321 00:18:54,291 --> 00:18:55,964 but he's... he's a great guy. 322 00:18:55,988 --> 00:18:59,185 In fact, he's... he's a little bit of a celebrity. 323 00:18:59,209 --> 00:19:00,433 He's got a-a show 324 00:19:00,457 --> 00:19:02,013 on the YouTube. 325 00:19:02,037 --> 00:19:03,450 Yeah. 326 00:19:03,474 --> 00:19:06,583 Yeah. And-and it's about visiting cool places. Right? 327 00:19:06,607 --> 00:19:08,237 So I figure since he's here tonight, 328 00:19:08,261 --> 00:19:10,196 we must be... cool, too. 329 00:19:10,220 --> 00:19:12,198 And I'm not talking about the weather. 330 00:19:14,833 --> 00:19:17,377 Oh. Let me, uh, just do this here. 331 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,553 All right. 332 00:19:19,577 --> 00:19:22,904 Hey, this is A. Traveler, and I am finally, 333 00:19:22,928 --> 00:19:24,372 finally here. 334 00:19:24,396 --> 00:19:25,605 I am so far up north, 335 00:19:25,629 --> 00:19:28,170 I'm a hundred miles from the Arctic Circle 336 00:19:28,194 --> 00:19:30,346 here in Iglaak, Alaska. Everyone say "hello!" 337 00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:33,088 Hello! 338 00:19:33,112 --> 00:19:35,003 Now, it is Christmas Eve. 339 00:19:35,027 --> 00:19:37,353 That means you know who this is. 340 00:19:37,377 --> 00:19:40,150 And I'm not talking about no Santa Claus. 341 00:19:40,728 --> 00:19:43,403 It's Captain Lane Pendleton, everyone! 342 00:19:44,950 --> 00:19:46,406 Oh, no, no... 343 00:19:46,430 --> 00:19:49,322 - Houghton. - Sir, would-would it be okay if I... 344 00:19:49,346 --> 00:19:51,498 - got a selfie with, the troopers? - Oh, what the hell! 345 00:19:51,522 --> 00:19:52,890 - All right! - Thank you. 346 00:19:52,914 --> 00:19:54,979 I want to know how he got in the cell. 347 00:19:55,003 --> 00:19:56,720 - Did you put him in there? - No. 348 00:19:56,744 --> 00:19:59,269 Everybody say "Iglaak" on three, okay? One, two, 349 00:19:59,293 --> 00:20:01,899 - three. - Iglaak! 350 00:20:01,923 --> 00:20:04,424 There was that set of keys missing from last winter, 351 00:20:04,448 --> 00:20:07,165 and we never changed the locks, because Lupino lost them 352 00:20:07,189 --> 00:20:09,911 in six feet of snow, and we figured no one'd find them. 353 00:20:09,935 --> 00:20:11,028 All right, all right, 354 00:20:11,052 --> 00:20:12,867 let's do this thing. Houghton, grab the chair. 355 00:20:12,891 --> 00:20:16,150 And, ladies and gentlemen, attention! 356 00:20:17,896 --> 00:20:20,178 - Where's the chair? - Back there. 357 00:20:20,202 --> 00:20:23,356 All right, all right, come on back here. 358 00:20:23,380 --> 00:20:25,140 Merry Christmas, John. 359 00:20:25,164 --> 00:20:26,750 It's Sergeant Yuka Mongoyak. 360 00:20:26,774 --> 00:20:28,012 Oh, yeah. 361 00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:30,319 Party's in full swing. 362 00:20:30,343 --> 00:20:32,365 The pardoning just started, which is why I called. 363 00:20:32,389 --> 00:20:34,105 Have you had any guests check in? 364 00:20:34,129 --> 00:20:37,239 May go by the name of A. Traveler, wearing a black suit, 365 00:20:37,263 --> 00:20:38,849 five-nine, not from here. 366 00:20:38,873 --> 00:20:41,765 - City type. - Thank you, just... 367 00:20:41,789 --> 00:20:43,922 I.D. says California. 368 00:20:48,187 --> 00:20:50,296 No, huh? 369 00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:51,645 Okay. 370 00:20:51,669 --> 00:20:53,124 Hmm. 371 00:20:53,148 --> 00:20:55,431 All right, well, you have a nice Christmas. 372 00:20:55,455 --> 00:20:58,763 With the power vested in me... 373 00:21:00,330 --> 00:21:02,786 ...I hereby declare you pardoned 374 00:21:02,810 --> 00:21:05,876 from our jail cell in Iglaak... Alaska. 375 00:21:05,900 --> 00:21:07,791 And, of course, from all of us, 376 00:21:07,815 --> 00:21:09,619 Merry Christmas, sir. 377 00:21:11,558 --> 00:21:12,883 Thank you. 378 00:21:12,907 --> 00:21:15,103 Can I... can I say something? 379 00:21:15,127 --> 00:21:16,931 Um... 380 00:21:16,955 --> 00:21:19,760 on part of my journey up here, 381 00:21:19,784 --> 00:21:22,502 I rode the Trans-Siberian Railway 382 00:21:22,526 --> 00:21:24,982 nonstop for eight days, 383 00:21:25,006 --> 00:21:27,376 from Moscow to Vladivostok. 384 00:21:27,942 --> 00:21:29,552 And along that ride, 385 00:21:29,576 --> 00:21:31,685 so many people came up to me 386 00:21:31,709 --> 00:21:35,993 to ask me about that tough American sheriff in Iglaak 387 00:21:36,017 --> 00:21:37,865 that they all admired. 388 00:21:37,889 --> 00:21:39,823 Now, they even said 389 00:21:39,847 --> 00:21:42,130 that the North Koreans told the Russians 390 00:21:42,154 --> 00:21:45,220 that if they ever were gonna attack the United States, 391 00:21:45,244 --> 00:21:48,266 that they'd have to go around Captain Pendleton 392 00:21:48,290 --> 00:21:51,357 and the entire town of Iglaak, Alaska! 393 00:21:51,381 --> 00:21:54,098 That's right. That's right. 394 00:21:54,122 --> 00:21:56,187 That's the truth! 395 00:21:56,211 --> 00:21:57,885 Crank up the music. 396 00:21:57,909 --> 00:21:59,930 Merry Christmas. This is Sergeant Yuka Mongoyak 397 00:21:59,954 --> 00:22:02,331 with the Alaska State Troopers Iglaak Post. 398 00:22:02,331 --> 00:22:04,252 Sorry to trouble you on Christmas Eve, 399 00:22:04,276 --> 00:22:06,101 but I'm inquiring to see if there are any personnel 400 00:22:06,125 --> 00:22:08,517 considered AWOL from your Air Force base? 401 00:22:09,798 --> 00:22:11,187 Shall we get this party going? 402 00:22:11,211 --> 00:22:12,608 Yeah! 403 00:22:14,417 --> 00:22:16,830 Or have any alerts been issued on suspicious individuals 404 00:22:16,854 --> 00:22:18,421 in the area? 405 00:22:20,067 --> 00:22:21,313 I appreciate your help. 406 00:22:21,337 --> 00:22:22,488 You, too. 407 00:22:22,512 --> 00:22:23,942 Merry Christmas. 408 00:22:45,274 --> 00:22:47,817 Captain Pendleton just pardoned me... 409 00:22:48,494 --> 00:22:50,627 and you're looking to put me back in jail? 410 00:22:53,325 --> 00:22:56,435 You haven't believed a single word out of my mouth, have you? 411 00:22:57,385 --> 00:22:58,847 Captain Pendleton does, but... 412 00:22:59,192 --> 00:23:00,289 not you. 413 00:23:02,423 --> 00:23:04,991 Now, that's the first honest thing you've said. 414 00:23:06,889 --> 00:23:09,456 Don't you want to open up the present that I brought for you? 415 00:23:12,301 --> 00:23:14,525 What you'd like most for Christmas? 416 00:23:17,306 --> 00:23:19,371 I don't believe in Christmas. 417 00:23:22,963 --> 00:23:24,985 You believe in what you believe. 418 00:23:25,009 --> 00:23:27,577 Isn't that what Christmas is all about? 419 00:23:49,686 --> 00:23:50,858 Jack? 420 00:23:52,515 --> 00:23:53,883 Hey, Jack? 421 00:23:53,907 --> 00:23:55,798 Oh, what? What? 422 00:23:55,822 --> 00:23:57,549 I brought you some turkey and stuffing. 423 00:23:57,573 --> 00:23:59,085 Okay, thanks. 424 00:23:59,109 --> 00:24:01,858 Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 425 00:24:02,351 --> 00:24:04,981 When the fuck am I getting out of here, Yuka? 426 00:24:05,005 --> 00:24:06,623 Are you fucking me over? 427 00:24:06,647 --> 00:24:09,231 And by the way, do you see any pie on here? 428 00:24:09,232 --> 00:24:11,341 Turkey now, pie later. 429 00:24:12,670 --> 00:24:14,020 Bullshit. 430 00:24:18,005 --> 00:24:19,528 Hey, Jack? 431 00:24:27,108 --> 00:24:30,316 What would you say is the thing I'd want most for Christmas? 432 00:24:30,340 --> 00:24:32,188 Fuck Christmas. 433 00:24:32,212 --> 00:24:33,608 Okay, yeah, but... 434 00:24:34,083 --> 00:24:35,192 what if? 435 00:24:36,183 --> 00:24:37,880 I don't know. 436 00:24:39,219 --> 00:24:41,275 Maybe to be one of them. 437 00:24:46,775 --> 00:24:49,483 I honestly don't know if you know who you are anymore. 438 00:24:50,983 --> 00:24:52,469 I know who I am. 439 00:24:52,493 --> 00:24:54,558 And I'm proud of who I am. 440 00:24:54,582 --> 00:24:56,212 At least I'm doing something. 441 00:24:56,236 --> 00:24:57,802 Yeah, their way. 442 00:25:25,961 --> 00:25:28,331 ♪ Old Mr. Kringle is soon ♪ 443 00:25:28,355 --> 00:25:30,681 ♪ Gonna jingle the bells that'll tingle ♪ 444 00:25:30,705 --> 00:25:32,770 ♪ All your troubles away ♪ 445 00:25:32,794 --> 00:25:35,642 ♪ Everybody's waiting for the man with the bag ♪ 446 00:25:35,666 --> 00:25:38,471 ♪ 'Cause Christmas is coming again ♪ 447 00:25:38,495 --> 00:25:40,299 Everybody! 448 00:25:40,323 --> 00:25:43,172 ♪ He's got a sleigh full, it's not gonna stay full ♪ 449 00:25:43,196 --> 00:25:46,262 ♪ Stuff that he's droppin' every stop of the way ♪ 450 00:25:46,286 --> 00:25:49,395 ♪ Everybody's waiting for the man with the bag ♪ 451 00:25:49,419 --> 00:25:52,703 ♪ 'Cause Christmas is coming again ♪ 452 00:25:52,727 --> 00:25:55,836 ♪ He'll be here ♪ 453 00:25:55,860 --> 00:25:57,621 ♪ With the answers to the prayers ♪ 454 00:25:57,645 --> 00:25:59,666 ♪ That you made through the year ♪ 455 00:25:59,690 --> 00:26:02,191 ♪ You'll get yours ♪ 456 00:26:02,215 --> 00:26:05,803 ♪ If you've done everything you should ♪ 457 00:26:05,827 --> 00:26:07,239 ♪ Extra special good ♪ 458 00:26:07,263 --> 00:26:10,982 ♪ He'll make this December the one to remember ♪ 459 00:26:11,006 --> 00:26:13,115 ♪ The best and the merriest ♪ 460 00:26:13,139 --> 00:26:14,594 ♪ You ever did have ♪ 461 00:26:14,618 --> 00:26:16,944 ♪ Everybody's waiting for the man with the bag... ♪ 462 00:26:16,968 --> 00:26:19,469 Oh, where is your Christmas spirit, Yuka? 463 00:26:19,493 --> 00:26:21,645 You having a good time? You want a drink? 464 00:26:21,669 --> 00:26:23,497 No, I'm good, thank you. 465 00:26:26,195 --> 00:26:28,173 10-97 on "A. Traveler." 466 00:26:28,197 --> 00:26:31,263 Oh, well, he's a good guy. 467 00:26:33,115 --> 00:26:35,204 I knew there wouldn't be any priors on him. 468 00:26:36,567 --> 00:26:38,749 Do you want to release Jack when he sobers up? 469 00:26:38,773 --> 00:26:41,926 I mean, we brought him in intending to release him. 470 00:26:41,950 --> 00:26:44,537 I know he's drunk, but come on. 471 00:26:45,150 --> 00:26:47,975 Everyone is. It's Christmas. 472 00:26:47,999 --> 00:26:49,890 He wasn't disorderly in the first place 473 00:26:49,914 --> 00:26:51,150 or resisted arrest. 474 00:26:52,900 --> 00:26:56,027 Give me a chance for a twofer pardon. 475 00:26:56,525 --> 00:26:58,464 Never done one of those before. 476 00:26:58,488 --> 00:27:00,249 Yes, Captain. 477 00:27:00,273 --> 00:27:01,942 Very jolly of you. 478 00:27:03,276 --> 00:27:04,775 All right, go fetch him. 479 00:27:04,799 --> 00:27:06,255 Let's do it. 480 00:27:06,279 --> 00:27:07,256 Thank you. 481 00:27:08,431 --> 00:27:10,041 Dance break! 482 00:27:20,423 --> 00:27:22,836 Oh, no. There's still more song left. 483 00:27:22,860 --> 00:27:24,577 Fucking Air Force base. 484 00:27:24,601 --> 00:27:26,057 Come on, now. 485 00:27:26,081 --> 00:27:27,798 This town exists because of that base. 486 00:27:27,822 --> 00:27:29,278 At this time next year, 487 00:27:29,942 --> 00:27:32,890 we will not be sharing a power grid. 488 00:27:32,914 --> 00:27:34,457 Stop your campaigning. 489 00:27:34,481 --> 00:27:36,459 We already reelected you last month. 490 00:27:36,483 --> 00:27:37,721 God. 491 00:27:37,745 --> 00:27:39,418 I'm getting so sick of you, Colchack. 492 00:27:39,442 --> 00:27:42,856 The Air Force does not ask to tap into our power grid. 493 00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:45,294 If it wasn't for them, we wouldn't be here, so shut up. 494 00:27:45,318 --> 00:27:46,947 John, John, you've had too much to drink. 495 00:27:46,971 --> 00:27:49,907 Stop talking about the fucking grid and fix it! 496 00:27:49,931 --> 00:27:51,648 - Do something! - Hey! 497 00:27:51,672 --> 00:27:53,302 Hey, relax. It'll come back on. 498 00:27:53,326 --> 00:27:55,502 It always does, everybody. Geez. 499 00:28:00,550 --> 00:28:01,701 - All right. - There you go. 500 00:28:01,725 --> 00:28:03,225 Et voilà. 501 00:28:03,249 --> 00:28:04,443 Now, listen, before you crank up 502 00:28:04,467 --> 00:28:05,879 the Christmas karaoke over there, 503 00:28:05,903 --> 00:28:07,533 it does occur to me that we've got a... 504 00:28:07,557 --> 00:28:11,755 another prisoner back there to offer a Christmas pardon to. 505 00:28:11,779 --> 00:28:14,061 What do y'all think? 506 00:28:14,085 --> 00:28:15,280 - Yeah. - Yeah, let's do it. 507 00:28:15,304 --> 00:28:17,413 It's a twofer! 508 00:28:17,437 --> 00:28:19,471 All right, all right. Arch, go grab 509 00:28:19,495 --> 00:28:21,155 Jack Mongoyak, bring him out here. 510 00:28:21,179 --> 00:28:23,051 I wouldn't pardon Jack Mongoyak. 511 00:28:28,128 --> 00:28:31,233 You're missing some tools from your snow machine shed. 512 00:28:33,388 --> 00:28:35,584 No, not that we're aware of. 513 00:28:35,609 --> 00:28:36,934 Now you know. 514 00:28:37,065 --> 00:28:38,900 About a thousand dollars' worth. 515 00:28:40,311 --> 00:28:42,240 They're in the trunk of Jack Mongoyak's car. 516 00:28:43,767 --> 00:28:46,572 Back at the bar where Sergeant Mongoyak picked him up. 517 00:28:46,596 --> 00:28:49,053 Jack's never stole a thing in his life. 518 00:28:49,077 --> 00:28:50,707 Fine. 519 00:28:50,731 --> 00:28:52,608 Don't believe me. 520 00:28:54,483 --> 00:28:55,692 I-Ida? 521 00:28:56,476 --> 00:28:58,367 You mind running 522 00:28:58,391 --> 00:29:00,755 down the road and checking on Jack's car? 523 00:29:00,779 --> 00:29:02,483 Sure thing, Captain. 524 00:29:06,483 --> 00:29:08,594 Can I finish the song now? 525 00:29:10,403 --> 00:29:12,468 Um... 526 00:29:12,492 --> 00:29:14,252 How-How'd you know about the tools? 527 00:29:14,276 --> 00:29:15,558 Captain, 528 00:29:15,582 --> 00:29:17,995 just 'cause he said it doesn't mean it's true. 529 00:29:18,019 --> 00:29:20,067 Like everything else he's said tonight. 530 00:29:20,543 --> 00:29:23,043 And if Trooper Lupino finds the tools, 531 00:29:23,067 --> 00:29:25,524 I'd guess you stole them and put them there. 532 00:29:25,548 --> 00:29:27,192 And if they're not there... 533 00:29:27,942 --> 00:29:30,901 wh-what would make you say such a thing? 534 00:29:34,192 --> 00:29:36,361 It's 'cause I know things... 535 00:29:36,385 --> 00:29:38,317 about this town. 536 00:29:39,692 --> 00:29:42,652 And I know things about you people. 537 00:29:47,317 --> 00:29:48,504 Rita, 538 00:29:49,025 --> 00:29:51,333 you're on a strict two-drink limit, 539 00:29:51,357 --> 00:29:53,378 but that's your fifth glass of eggnog. 540 00:29:53,402 --> 00:29:56,120 Not counting the two shots of Patrón you had 541 00:29:56,144 --> 00:29:57,382 before you left the house. 542 00:29:57,406 --> 00:29:59,166 So what? 543 00:29:59,190 --> 00:30:00,994 It's Christmas. 544 00:30:01,358 --> 00:30:02,735 And Jacques, 545 00:30:03,108 --> 00:30:05,216 do you think your ex-wife will be expecting 546 00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:07,174 those delinquent child support payments in her stocking? 547 00:30:07,198 --> 00:30:08,567 What the hell are you talking about? 548 00:30:08,591 --> 00:30:10,830 That's not true. That's not even true. 549 00:30:10,854 --> 00:30:13,833 And, Mr. Colchack, your bid on the construction 550 00:30:13,857 --> 00:30:15,487 of the airfield runway out beyond the lagoon 551 00:30:15,511 --> 00:30:17,600 was the lowest of all three bidders. 552 00:30:18,645 --> 00:30:21,275 You piece of shit. 553 00:30:21,299 --> 00:30:23,669 - I knew it. - Mayor Matheson over here 554 00:30:23,693 --> 00:30:25,715 awarded the project to the Russian company 555 00:30:25,739 --> 00:30:28,239 - across the Bering Strait. - That has not been determined. 556 00:30:28,263 --> 00:30:30,023 Now, see, I warned you about this asshole! 557 00:30:30,047 --> 00:30:31,634 How could you reelect him? 558 00:30:31,658 --> 00:30:34,332 Oh, like you didn't go down on all the Air Force brass 559 00:30:34,356 --> 00:30:36,813 to get that bid for the cargo loading apron at the base, 560 00:30:36,838 --> 00:30:38,631 - Buzzy. - Going down on? 561 00:30:38,655 --> 00:30:40,225 Now, that'ssomething you know about. 562 00:30:40,249 --> 00:30:42,296 - Hang on to this, honey! - Oh, you wish, bitch! 563 00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:43,820 - Rita! - Hey, hey! 564 00:30:45,019 --> 00:30:46,823 For crying out loud! 565 00:30:46,847 --> 00:30:48,651 Hey, don't you touch me! 566 00:30:57,684 --> 00:31:00,053 - The party's over. Come on. - Let go of me! Thanks. 567 00:31:00,077 --> 00:31:01,968 - The party's over, everybody. Come on. - Break it up. 568 00:31:01,992 --> 00:31:04,275 Grab your coats and get your drunk heinies 569 00:31:04,299 --> 00:31:07,626 out of here. Everybody. 570 00:31:07,650 --> 00:31:09,454 Take it easy. 571 00:31:09,478 --> 00:31:10,760 Merry Christmas. 572 00:31:10,784 --> 00:31:12,786 Drive home safe. Let's go. 573 00:31:14,788 --> 00:31:16,200 Get him home safe. 574 00:31:16,224 --> 00:31:18,618 All right. Merry Christmas. 575 00:31:46,515 --> 00:31:49,102 How the hell did he get in that cell? 576 00:31:49,126 --> 00:31:51,061 And how'd you know all these things? 577 00:31:51,085 --> 00:31:52,671 A. Traveler. 578 00:31:52,695 --> 00:31:54,325 Is that even your real name? 579 00:31:54,942 --> 00:31:57,284 Hey, 15, this is Post. 580 00:31:57,308 --> 00:32:00,200 Y-You got a 10-71 on those tools yet? 581 00:32:00,224 --> 00:32:03,288 Post, this is 15. It's 10-23. 582 00:32:03,312 --> 00:32:05,162 There were no tools in Jack's car. 583 00:32:05,186 --> 00:32:08,078 Repeat, negative on stolen tools. 584 00:32:08,102 --> 00:32:10,472 Everyone's having a drink. 585 00:32:10,496 --> 00:32:12,822 - 10-4. - See? 586 00:32:12,846 --> 00:32:14,998 - He's lying. - Wait a minute. 587 00:32:15,022 --> 00:32:17,780 You did know right where to go with Matheson and Colchack 588 00:32:17,804 --> 00:32:19,275 to set them off. 589 00:32:20,692 --> 00:32:22,222 How? 590 00:32:22,567 --> 00:32:24,877 Well, they've hated each other 591 00:32:24,901 --> 00:32:27,227 ever since Buzz tried to feel up Dottie Matheson 592 00:32:27,251 --> 00:32:28,575 ten years ago at this very party. 593 00:32:28,599 --> 00:32:30,588 That is an unsubstantiated rumor, 594 00:32:30,612 --> 00:32:32,929 and how did you know that?! 595 00:32:32,953 --> 00:32:34,931 How's he know that? What, are you... 596 00:32:34,955 --> 00:32:37,871 What are you, friend? Huh? 597 00:32:38,637 --> 00:32:41,180 You a Russian spy? Man in Black? 598 00:32:41,439 --> 00:32:44,680 If you're Santa Claus, you're a little late delivering your toys. 599 00:32:46,619 --> 00:32:48,466 I'm Special Agent Douglas Heyes 600 00:32:48,490 --> 00:32:50,642 from the Anchorage field office. 601 00:32:50,666 --> 00:32:51,991 Iglaak is a small town, 602 00:32:52,015 --> 00:32:53,732 but there exists widespread corruption 603 00:32:53,756 --> 00:32:56,605 that could affect the security of the United States of America. 604 00:32:56,629 --> 00:32:58,983 You have any Bureau identification? 605 00:32:59,849 --> 00:33:03,742 Undercover special agents don't have I.D., Sergeant. 606 00:33:04,358 --> 00:33:06,813 Who's under investigation? 607 00:33:12,900 --> 00:33:15,648 I'll tell you who's under investigation. 608 00:33:18,205 --> 00:33:20,207 You are. 609 00:33:24,700 --> 00:33:27,200 And you're going right back into that cell 610 00:33:27,224 --> 00:33:31,228 until we can confirm with the Bureau in Anchorage. 611 00:33:52,206 --> 00:33:54,184 Hey. Yo. 612 00:33:54,208 --> 00:33:55,968 What's the story with my pie? 613 00:33:55,992 --> 00:33:57,709 Yo, Captain, I'm supposed to be getting 614 00:33:57,733 --> 00:33:58,983 some pie. 615 00:33:59,692 --> 00:34:01,858 I know the reasons you don't trust me. 616 00:34:02,433 --> 00:34:05,064 But we'll work well together once Captain Pendleton's removed 617 00:34:05,088 --> 00:34:07,066 and you replace him. 618 00:34:07,090 --> 00:34:08,938 When you're the lead sled dog. 619 00:34:08,962 --> 00:34:10,766 Jack, you're pardoned. 620 00:34:11,372 --> 00:34:12,942 Hell no. 621 00:34:12,966 --> 00:34:15,335 It's 30 below, I-I'm too drunk to drive, 622 00:34:15,359 --> 00:34:18,058 and I'm not leaving till I get some motherfucking pie. 623 00:34:34,117 --> 00:34:37,314 You've reached the Federal Bureau of Investigation, 624 00:34:37,338 --> 00:34:39,174 Anchorage Field Office. 625 00:34:39,198 --> 00:34:40,723 If this is an emergency, 626 00:34:40,747 --> 00:34:42,449 please use our directory to contact 627 00:34:42,473 --> 00:34:43,842 a field agent directly. 628 00:34:45,738 --> 00:34:48,673 We're sorry, but there is no agent 629 00:34:48,697 --> 00:34:50,675 that matches the information provided. 630 00:34:50,699 --> 00:34:53,591 Our hours are Monday through Friday, 7:00 a.m... 631 00:34:54,187 --> 00:34:55,617 I'll go see. 632 00:34:58,826 --> 00:35:00,317 Yuka. 633 00:35:02,863 --> 00:35:05,561 I'll go with you. 634 00:35:21,991 --> 00:35:23,969 What the actual fuck? 635 00:35:23,993 --> 00:35:27,059 What the actual what? 636 00:35:27,083 --> 00:35:28,302 Did you see that?! 637 00:35:29,782 --> 00:35:32,630 - Get those guns off me. - Yuka? 638 00:35:32,654 --> 00:35:35,372 - Yuka, did you not see that? - I saw something. 639 00:35:35,396 --> 00:35:36,460 Right? 640 00:35:36,484 --> 00:35:38,483 Yeah, he looked like a fucking snail. 641 00:35:38,507 --> 00:35:41,944 He had antennae coming out his h-head. 642 00:35:43,534 --> 00:35:45,512 Yuka, you're awfully quiet. 643 00:35:45,536 --> 00:35:47,863 - What do you believe? - She saw it. 644 00:35:47,887 --> 00:35:49,647 She saw it. We all saw it. 645 00:35:49,671 --> 00:35:51,693 She may not be saying anything, but she saw it! 646 00:35:51,717 --> 00:35:54,217 No one saw anything because that's insane. 647 00:35:54,241 --> 00:35:56,828 It's probably shadows from your flashlights or something. 648 00:35:56,852 --> 00:35:59,265 Antennae? 649 00:35:59,289 --> 00:36:01,509 You two are tripping on cheese log. 650 00:36:05,150 --> 00:36:07,123 Take off the hat. 651 00:36:19,317 --> 00:36:22,108 Now, I've been nothing but nice to you. 652 00:36:23,275 --> 00:36:25,483 Nothing but nice. 653 00:36:26,099 --> 00:36:27,380 So, you need to consider 654 00:36:27,404 --> 00:36:29,992 if it's worth the irreversible remorse 655 00:36:30,900 --> 00:36:32,627 to further address me... 656 00:36:38,894 --> 00:36:41,608 ...with such rude intentions. 657 00:36:47,483 --> 00:36:50,360 Especially when I know things... 658 00:36:50,384 --> 00:36:52,442 about you, Captain Pendleton. 659 00:36:53,858 --> 00:36:56,279 All you need to know is I got you locked up in my jail. 660 00:36:56,303 --> 00:36:57,889 And to be exact, 661 00:36:57,913 --> 00:37:00,283 this jail is officially considered 662 00:37:00,307 --> 00:37:02,415 Alaska State Trooper Post 151. 663 00:37:02,983 --> 00:37:06,028 What's the primary purpose of Post 151? 664 00:37:06,052 --> 00:37:07,769 To serve the public good. 665 00:37:07,793 --> 00:37:09,248 By the support and protection 666 00:37:09,272 --> 00:37:11,381 of an acknowledged temporary vulnerability 667 00:37:11,405 --> 00:37:14,732 outside of the Cheney Air Force Listening Installation. 668 00:37:14,756 --> 00:37:17,169 It's the point at which the Air Force facilities' power grid 669 00:37:17,193 --> 00:37:19,868 connects and is shared with the town of Iglaak's 670 00:37:19,892 --> 00:37:22,313 - older existing grid. - Okay. That's enough. 671 00:37:22,338 --> 00:37:24,454 There's a camouflage shed somewhere nearby 672 00:37:24,478 --> 00:37:27,223 that houses the connection point between the Air Force base 673 00:37:27,247 --> 00:37:28,877 and the town's power grid. 674 00:37:28,901 --> 00:37:31,749 He's experiencing a mental breakdown of some kind. 675 00:37:32,992 --> 00:37:35,492 So, if a hostile force were to invade, 676 00:37:35,516 --> 00:37:37,494 they'd just have to destroy 677 00:37:37,518 --> 00:37:39,104 - that one shed? - That location 678 00:37:39,128 --> 00:37:41,019 is classified information. 679 00:37:41,043 --> 00:37:44,936 Classified is actually the most... 680 00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:48,287 lucrative type of information. 681 00:37:48,983 --> 00:37:51,314 Isn't it, Captain Lane Pendleton? 682 00:37:53,229 --> 00:37:54,903 Oh. 683 00:37:54,927 --> 00:37:56,556 That's right, she doesn't know. 684 00:37:57,930 --> 00:38:00,386 Captain Pendleton has sold the information 685 00:38:00,410 --> 00:38:02,852 to our neighbors across the Chukchi Sea. 686 00:38:02,876 --> 00:38:03,998 The Russians. 687 00:38:04,022 --> 00:38:05,609 Nothing you've said has been the truth. 688 00:38:05,633 --> 00:38:06,784 Oh, you want the truth? 689 00:38:06,808 --> 00:38:08,535 Oh, you can't handle the truth. 690 00:38:10,464 --> 00:38:12,485 I'm sure anyone can understand the captain's motivation 691 00:38:12,509 --> 00:38:14,313 - for such corruption. - There is no motivation 692 00:38:14,337 --> 00:38:15,924 'cause there has been no corruption. 693 00:38:15,948 --> 00:38:17,229 20 years 694 00:38:17,253 --> 00:38:19,144 as the big cheese in Iglaak, Alaska. 695 00:38:19,168 --> 00:38:21,494 It's not a location, nor is 696 00:38:21,518 --> 00:38:23,932 Alaska State Trooper an occupation, 697 00:38:23,956 --> 00:38:25,988 where anyone can make any real money 698 00:38:26,012 --> 00:38:28,505 or actually make any real impact on the world. 699 00:38:28,529 --> 00:38:29,738 You shut your mouth. 700 00:38:29,762 --> 00:38:32,250 Especially someone like you, Lane Pendleton, 701 00:38:32,274 --> 00:38:33,593 would have made a great impact. 702 00:38:33,617 --> 00:38:34,856 You shut your mouth. 703 00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:35,983 The best impact. 704 00:38:39,493 --> 00:38:42,167 I'm gonna put a hole in this insect. 705 00:38:42,191 --> 00:38:44,984 But you gave up on that idea. 706 00:38:45,008 --> 00:38:47,129 You gave up on yourself, you just... 707 00:38:47,153 --> 00:38:48,434 gave up. 708 00:38:49,442 --> 00:38:51,722 I never gave up on anything. 709 00:38:53,289 --> 00:38:55,398 I'm Agent Marius Constant from the National 710 00:38:55,422 --> 00:38:56,965 Reconnaissance Office. 711 00:38:57,525 --> 00:38:59,489 Captain will save a lot of money and headache 712 00:38:59,513 --> 00:39:01,230 and maybe lives if he just confesses 713 00:39:01,254 --> 00:39:03,885 that he told the Russians about the location of the shed. 714 00:39:04,317 --> 00:39:05,625 He's lying! 715 00:39:05,649 --> 00:39:07,279 At this very minute, 716 00:39:07,303 --> 00:39:09,455 Russian Spetsnaz forces are on their way to sabotage 717 00:39:09,479 --> 00:39:12,763 what I know is the location of the shed. 718 00:39:12,787 --> 00:39:14,108 Thing is, 719 00:39:14,615 --> 00:39:16,617 my people are going to intercept them. 720 00:39:22,324 --> 00:39:24,041 I'm going there right now, 721 00:39:24,066 --> 00:39:26,677 to warn the Americans or the Russians. 722 00:39:30,492 --> 00:39:32,538 He stays here. 723 00:39:44,297 --> 00:39:46,362 Mm. 724 00:39:46,386 --> 00:39:48,016 I thought he'd never leave. 725 00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:50,279 Now we can talk. 726 00:39:50,303 --> 00:39:52,934 So, I'm just trying to prove to everybody here 727 00:39:52,958 --> 00:39:55,501 what you've known for all these years, 728 00:39:55,525 --> 00:39:58,113 that he doesn't care about this area, 729 00:39:58,137 --> 00:40:00,550 this land, or your people. 730 00:40:00,574 --> 00:40:01,986 That he's a liar. 731 00:40:09,216 --> 00:40:11,871 See, I told you I knew what you wanted for Christmas. 732 00:40:13,442 --> 00:40:15,739 So this is my gift to you. 733 00:40:15,763 --> 00:40:19,941 Soon, you're gonna be the one giving the orders around here. 734 00:40:54,983 --> 00:40:56,942 Don't be afraid of me, Yuka. 735 00:40:57,263 --> 00:40:58,501 I mean, you don't know this... 736 00:40:58,526 --> 00:41:00,330 and how would you know... but... 737 00:41:00,634 --> 00:41:02,829 you and I are a lot alike. 738 00:41:02,853 --> 00:41:04,570 We have a lot of bosses above us. 739 00:41:04,594 --> 00:41:07,834 There's always a bigger boss to be in awe of or afraid of. 740 00:41:07,858 --> 00:41:09,525 But you and I, 741 00:41:09,947 --> 00:41:12,013 we're worker ants 742 00:41:12,037 --> 00:41:13,525 who get the job done. 743 00:41:14,213 --> 00:41:15,625 Today I will. 744 00:41:15,649 --> 00:41:17,279 You won't. 745 00:41:17,303 --> 00:41:19,890 But you know what? I'll keep my promise, though. 746 00:41:19,914 --> 00:41:21,315 I'll put in a good word. 747 00:41:21,339 --> 00:41:22,592 You'll be running this place. 748 00:41:22,616 --> 00:41:24,329 But working for us. 749 00:41:24,353 --> 00:41:26,086 Captain Pendleton, this is Post. 750 00:41:26,110 --> 00:41:27,466 10-19. Return to base. 751 00:41:27,490 --> 00:41:28,725 10-39. Urgent. 752 00:41:28,749 --> 00:41:30,446 10-39. Urgent. 753 00:41:35,321 --> 00:41:36,994 Pendleton, can you hear me? 754 00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:39,692 Our intelligence indicated 755 00:41:39,716 --> 00:41:41,520 that you would be vulnerable to attack, 756 00:41:41,544 --> 00:41:44,132 somewhere in this vicinity, 757 00:41:44,156 --> 00:41:45,436 on this day. 758 00:41:45,460 --> 00:41:48,527 So, in order to ensure the success of the invasion, 759 00:41:48,551 --> 00:41:50,538 Pendleton needed to lead us to the power source 760 00:41:50,562 --> 00:41:53,489 of the Air Force early discrimination system 761 00:41:53,513 --> 00:41:55,085 in order to remove it. 762 00:41:55,109 --> 00:41:56,809 And you let Pendleton go. 763 00:41:56,809 --> 00:41:59,092 Is it because maybe you thought it'd get rid of him 764 00:41:59,116 --> 00:42:01,225 or give you his job or both? 765 00:42:01,900 --> 00:42:03,096 You'll never have to worry 766 00:42:03,120 --> 00:42:04,706 about Captain Pendleton again. 767 00:42:04,730 --> 00:42:08,188 Or, uh, Christmas, for that matter. 768 00:42:08,212 --> 00:42:11,278 What's with the gun, Yuka? 769 00:42:11,942 --> 00:42:14,325 I mean, why do you want to kill me? 770 00:42:14,983 --> 00:42:16,544 You knew what I was. 771 00:42:16,568 --> 00:42:18,546 I did nothing but lie to you. 772 00:42:18,570 --> 00:42:20,200 Only, 773 00:42:20,224 --> 00:42:23,377 once I said something that might benefit you, 774 00:42:23,401 --> 00:42:25,771 you chose to ignore it. 775 00:42:25,795 --> 00:42:28,165 See, that's not a lie. 776 00:42:28,608 --> 00:42:30,942 You willingly accepted the lie. 777 00:42:31,775 --> 00:42:33,400 That's worse. 778 00:42:33,890 --> 00:42:34,983 Now it's too late. 779 00:42:47,554 --> 00:42:49,251 No. 780 00:42:49,950 --> 00:42:51,386 It's not too late. 781 00:42:54,084 --> 00:42:56,086 Just arrived at the mesosphere. 782 00:42:59,535 --> 00:43:01,198 Captain Pendleton, respond! 783 00:43:01,222 --> 00:43:03,137 Do not go to the shed! 784 00:43:06,531 --> 00:43:08,942 All units respond. 785 00:43:09,621 --> 00:43:12,692 Does anyone have a 20 on Captain Pendleton? 786 00:43:13,321 --> 00:43:15,952 Captain Pendleton, this is Post. 10-19. 787 00:43:15,976 --> 00:43:19,067 Repeat, 10-19. Do not go to the shed. 788 00:43:20,976 --> 00:43:22,543 Ah, fuck! 789 00:43:31,192 --> 00:43:32,794 Hey, bro. 790 00:43:33,150 --> 00:43:34,796 You know, if you could, uh, 791 00:43:34,820 --> 00:43:39,434 you know, like, use your magic and open my cell, too... 792 00:43:54,884 --> 00:43:56,427 Whoa. 793 00:43:56,451 --> 00:43:58,603 That's a cool trick, man. 794 00:43:58,627 --> 00:44:00,192 Thanks. 795 00:44:11,248 --> 00:44:13,242 Arch! 796 00:44:13,266 --> 00:44:15,442 Arch! 797 00:44:16,166 --> 00:44:18,666 Any 20 on Captain Pendleton? 798 00:44:18,690 --> 00:44:20,886 Yeah. A while ago, I saw him going south on Nixon, 799 00:44:20,910 --> 00:44:22,192 but, just now, 800 00:44:22,216 --> 00:44:23,845 he tore off toward County Highway. 801 00:44:23,869 --> 00:44:26,457 - No! Get off me! - Break it up, ladies! 802 00:44:26,481 --> 00:44:29,764 - Break it up! - Get the fuck off me! Get off! 803 00:45:46,036 --> 00:45:48,067 Captain Pendleton! 804 00:45:50,557 --> 00:45:52,297 Captain Pendleton! 805 00:45:54,482 --> 00:45:56,199 Step away from the structure 806 00:45:56,223 --> 00:45:58,442 with your hands raised above your head. 807 00:46:00,488 --> 00:46:04,555 You brought a Remington shotgun to a Russian invasion? 808 00:46:06,407 --> 00:46:07,819 Put the gun down, Sergeant. 809 00:46:07,843 --> 00:46:09,692 He lied about that, too. 810 00:46:10,715 --> 00:46:12,519 Lane Pendleton, 811 00:46:12,543 --> 00:46:14,442 you're under arrest. 812 00:46:25,034 --> 00:46:26,838 Oh, really, Yuka? 813 00:46:27,395 --> 00:46:29,049 Out here? 814 00:46:32,360 --> 00:46:33,942 Now? 815 00:46:36,350 --> 00:46:38,328 You're here. 816 00:46:38,692 --> 00:46:41,635 So the Traveler wasn't lying about what you did. 817 00:46:42,483 --> 00:46:45,567 You came to meet your Russian contacts to tip them off. 818 00:46:59,150 --> 00:47:01,438 Well, maybe, uh... 819 00:47:01,462 --> 00:47:04,334 it'll be better with you guys running things. 820 00:47:27,183 --> 00:47:29,292 Oh. 821 00:47:29,316 --> 00:47:31,275 Let me guess. 822 00:47:36,758 --> 00:47:39,021 You're getting my job. 823 00:47:42,323 --> 00:47:43,942 Is that what he told you? 824 00:47:47,194 --> 00:47:49,775 Yeah. Yeah, see... 825 00:47:51,358 --> 00:47:53,316 it's only a lie 826 00:47:53,340 --> 00:47:55,650 if we choose to believe it. 827 00:48:55,489 --> 00:48:57,162 Mmm. 828 00:48:57,186 --> 00:48:58,729 That's pretty good. 829 00:48:59,596 --> 00:49:02,251 Definitely worth the wait. 830 00:49:10,852 --> 00:49:13,439 The most dangerous lies come in the form 831 00:49:13,463 --> 00:49:15,702 of beautifully wrapped gifts. 832 00:49:15,726 --> 00:49:18,314 On this evening, Sergeant Yuka discovered 833 00:49:18,338 --> 00:49:22,405 that there's no difference between myth and mistruth. 834 00:49:22,942 --> 00:49:26,409 She unwrapped her fateful present far too late 835 00:49:26,942 --> 00:49:29,716 on this dark and silent night 836 00:49:30,192 --> 00:49:32,153 in The Twilight Zone.